Bang, Bang

Oh god the fireworks in my mind

Leaking from my ears

Brain seeping cosmolectric trip

To the end, I will

keep myself from being

Shut the fuck up!

if you please

I hate the sound of your voice

I said I did, but I didn’t understand

Then the pain sets in, for now

I’m gone, gone, gone.

Tried to call me back

No longer do my ears hear

No longer does my body feel

No longer do my eyes see

No longer…

Seep into existence, away from what is real

But existing in and consisting of reality

No shock, it is to sooth and comfort

Again to the next minute and so on

Stumbling for the door in the dark

Wishing for better places to be

Feeling neutrally lonely

In a big room

In a big house

Where I can pretend to be fine

And sleep walk through time

Because this is what life wrought

Missing what makes me happy

Dying in the absence of love

For all the problems and ideas

The only resolution is dark enough

To make everyone hate me

And my favorite action, horror, drama

Remember that one scene

Where this guy did that and whatever

To the other guy

My sick mind

My sick mind will divulge

Picturing myself and others

Doing murderous deeds

Shut it out, crowding in and let go

Life without these silly little dreams

Would mean that I was not crazy

It sounds cliche, but true

And the words roll and the brain teems

And my self-esteem hurts

And I’m missing my ego

Recluse into my room

Stay there until the next day

And when I get an idea

I write it down

As to remember

What I went through at one point

When really, what I go through

Is always worse at the time

Pointless poems of doubt

Little anidotes for a broken heart

And a bleeding soul

And a psychotic mind

Land a punch

Wait and swing

Sink into me

Bloodied picasso

Now again

Torched mona lisa

It’s all I need

A good beating

It’s all an act

Release of chemicals into the brain

That leads you to believe

That the brain has revealed something worthwhile

While nothing is worthwhile in this world

Because everything is moving

and Nothing is timeless

To end my life seems just fine

But regardless of what the mind thinks

The soul thinks differently

For this we live and for this we die

That all have planned to desecrate

the very level of decency given

Within time’s constraints does hold

The pain stretch and speed beyond what is seen

But it’ll all be worthwhile after days

I thought and doubt after again

Until become nonexistence incarnate

While in sustain

The world vibrates

Remaining still

What becomes

of what is not

and what is

not is impossible

to destroy the soul

And still I

cannot make up my mind